All the Running

I am so glad I’ve found my motivation to run again!

  

I’m going to post Bay Bridge in the Sunrise pics every time, until we move. You have been forewarned.

I’m still plugging along with my Couch to 5k (which I abbreviate to C25k because I think it sounds cool). I haven’t been the most consistent (my first run was in early February, and I’ve just started Week 4) but so far I’m still feeling good. I have found that since my pregnancy I’m finally at that age where stuff just breaks and I have all sorts of mysterious twinges and pains at random. Just more evidence that I need to take time out for self care, making sure that I stretch and foam roll often.

  

Today I think I did more than 2.21 miles, it looks like my GPS didn’t pick me up when I started my run. But I felt good, so I’m not going to complain too much. My goal is to be able to comfortably run a 3 mile loop a few times a week so I’m not too concerned with pace or time. Just getting ‘er done.

In food news, I keep dabbling in starting a Whole30 but never really making through a full day of clean eating. Something always comes up that nudges me off plan. But I figure if I’m shooting for 100% but I’m really doing 80%, that’s good enough for now. As long as I stay away from the sugar, I’m feeling pretty good. And any eating plan that includes ceviche is good enough for me!

  

Mmm, raw fish. #alltherawfish

Off to go make magic happen. Make it a great day!

Posted in Day in the Life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Friday Link Love: How to Become Gluten Intolerant

Happy Friday!

IMG_7935

Buttercup likes Fridays. They’re good for bouncing and counting baby fat rolls.

I went on my Week 3 run for Couch to 5k this morning, stumbling through 2.17 miles of SoMa in 28 minutes, pre-coffee.

Since it’s Friday, I figure I’ll share with you a little Public Service Announcement Hulk sent me. In case you ever wanted to know how to be gluten intolerant, or just need to brush up on your gluten intolerance skills, here is a video for you. Enjoy!

Make it a great day.

Posted in Day in the Life | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Emily Runs! Kind Of

I’ve been running again!

IMG_7919

My chunky little counterpart and I have been putting the BOB stroller to good use. I’m using the Couch to 5k app and so far have completed the first two weeks. Which really means I’ve been walking with spurts of running here and there.

IMG_7923

And I’ve forgotten how hard it is to run with a running stroller in the city. Not every curb slopes down to street level, so I have to slow down to drop the stroller up and down curbs as delicately as I can. Squish loved bumpy stroller rides back in the day (still does, actually), but our little Cream Puff Princess acts like a bomb went off whenever we hit a rough patch, with the shocked facial expression and the arm flailing. The good part is by the end of the ride, she’s usually asleep so I can get a quick shower in before she wakes up and decides she wants to be held and comforted from the whole ordeal.

At least Buttercup was up for a run this morning, what with yesterday being St. Patrick’s Day and all.

IMG_7924

She doesn’t even realize we’re not Irish.

IMG_7922

Doesn’t stop her, though. Like her brother, she parties until she drops.

IMG_7928

“Touchdown baby!”

In other news, we’ve expanded the house hunt to East Bay. There’s a bit more to choose from, and my commute will be about the same depending on where we end up. We’re still looking in the city, though, and every once in a while we find a gem that quickly gets snatched up before we can say, “let’s put in an offer.” But the more we look, the more we learn what we want and don’t want, so the extra time it’s taking to find a place will be helpful in the end.

IMG_7929

A cool view: on the list of “must-haves even though it’s not really a must-have.”

Hope the green beer didn’t take you all too out of commission. Make it a great day!

 

 

 

Posted in Day in the Life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Out From Under the Depression Rock

You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit absent from Blog Land lately. It hasn’t been intentional. I am constantly composing posts in my head or taking pictures of stuff thinking, “this will be the day I post!” only to let another day slip by. And the more time that goes by, the harder it is to really compose something that I really want the world to see. The past few months have been the most magical and the hardest months I have lived through.

Since being diagnosed with postpartum depression, I have gone through a roller coaster of symptoms and a feeling of all the feels. Most days I can function pretty well, and every now and then I have a great day. But then there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed, when I cry for no apparent reason other than it just seems like a good idea. I think things like I’m a bad mom, or it doesn’t matter what I do because I’m worthless anyway. Really bad, horribly depressing thoughts. The worst part is that it’s really hard to talk about it. I know that it’s a chemical imbalance in my brain, and that it’s not “me.” Postpartum depression is a very common side effect of having a baby (I’ll take “Things No One Tells You About Parenthood for $1000,” Alex) and there are a lot of resources out there that can help.

The thing is, when you’re truly depressed reaching out for help is nearly impossible. I didn’t want to talk to anybody, I was doing everything I could to push everyone away. It took a really bad day with a lot of encouragement from my husband to tell myself to pick up the phone and call my doctor, that I needed to get help and waiting for it to go away on its own wasn’t happening for me.

So now that I’m getting treatment, I’m sort of into this self-healing thing. I’m trying to be very mindful of my internal dialogue and what sort of “tapes” I tend to play myself that may not be reality. I’m trying to get back into running again because I know that a good run always did wonders for my mental state. And I’m really censoring what media I take in. Sometimes the most innocuous blog post or trashy reality TV show can really pull me into a dark spiral for inexplicable reasons. I don’t want to hide from the world, but I recognize I need time to repair and get my bearings back.

And now because I hate leaving a heavy post out there, here’s a cute baby picture to cleanse your palate.

IMG_7916

Can’t go wrong with a chunky baby picture.

I haven’t been posting a lot of pictures of Squish lately, because half of the time he’s out with the nanny, and the other half of the time he’s a blur of 3-year-old activity and I can’t get a good shot out of him. I have to bribe him with the iPad to get him to sit still.

IMG_7884

He takes chillin’ out with the iPad to a whole new level.

Go make it a great day!

Posted in Day in the Life | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Baby’s First Blog Event: a StitchFix Launch Party

A few weeks ago, I received a curious invite from StitchFix to a secret event. There were no details other than a date, time, and mention that kids were welcome. Because I love a good mystery, I accepted the invite. It also helps that the StitchFix HQ are right around the corner from my apartment, since I have major “seven block” mentality when it comes to where I will go in the city. If it’s more than seven blocks from my home, I’m a bit lazy about it.

If you don’t know about StitchFix, it’s an online personal styling service for women. Since I hate picking out my own clothes, I’ve used it several times in the past and I’ve loved it. To get “a Fix,” you go online to the StitchFix website and fill out a style profile, price range, and the date you want your fix delivered. A personal stylist will select five items for you ranging from clothes to jewelry to handbags, you name it. You try it on, keep and pay for what you want, and send the rest back. Oh, and if you keep everything, you get a discount. It’s super easy, and so much fun when the box comes in!

Okay, so now you know why I was pretty intrigued and exited about this event. I get to go hang out with a bunch of personal stylists at a mecca of fun fashion! So Monday I received the final invite – it was a secret launch party to introduce StitchFix’s new Maternity and Petites lines!

IMG_7908

Squeee! All the squeee. Since I am both petite and have needed some good maternity clothes in the past, I was super excited to find this out. When I was pregnant and wanted to do a StitchFix, I requested an accessories-only fix which was really cool, but I could’ve still used a good pair of maternity pants, you know?

Anyway, I figured this would be a good mommy-daughter outing for Buttercup and me. We even got all gussied up for it.

IMG_7907

They had professional babysitters from urbansitter.com to corral the kids, so I promptly handed the little miss off so I could schmooze and peruse the cute clothes and fun baby products from 4moms that were being raffled off.

IMG_7910

“You’re coming back, Mom … right? Mommy?” I don’t know, Cream Puff. There’s free champagne and lots of cute clothes over here.

IMG_7911

It was fun dusting off my “work a party” skills again. Coming from new baby and this whole postpartum depression thing, it was great to get out and meet some other bloggy moms from the area. The event was co-hosted by ClubMomMe, a community for parents and parents-to-be to network, socialize, and get clued in on new baby products and helpful tips in the overwhelming “oh-goodness-we-have-to-keep-this-small-human-alive-and-thriving” world. I met with the nice ladies of Club Momme, and found that there will be a stroller-friendly 5k coming this fall in the Bay Area! I’m quite excited about that, since it will give me a little extra push to actually finish up my Couch-to-5k program that I’ve started and stopped about five times since I was cleared for exercise. Maybe this will become a running blog again!

The launch party was tons of fun and I got to meet a bunch of really cool moms and bloggers, and Buttercup did her thing of looking cute and squishy and pulling off the “baby can’t even” quite nicely.

IMG_7912

I can’t even. Nope, can’t even.

Thank you to StitchFix, Club MomMe, and all the great sponsors for this event! I can’t wait to schedule my next Fix with real petite pants that I don’t have to take to a tailor to hem! :D

Make it a great day, everyone!

Disclaimer: I was invited to the launch party, all opinions are my own. These are not affiliate links, because I’m not that cool. And I buy my own StitchFix fixes because I like them.

Posted in Fun Blog Stuff | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Decisions, a.k.a. Weekend Fun Stuff

This weekend I was silly enough to think I could go out and have fun without repercussions. And by repercussions, I mean finding out that replacing sleep with doing fun things doesn’t mean getting less sleep makes it more fun. It just means I have fun, then I’m tired and miserable for the next 48 hours. I’m a peach to hang around these days, I tell you what.

Friday night my friend scored us tickets to see a comedy show as part of SF Sketchfest. Janeane Garofalo was one of the featured comedians, so I was pumped to see a real, live movie celebrity on stage making jokes. The show was fantastic, and I tried to not be dismayed by the fact that it didn’t start until 10:30 pm. We didn’t get home until 2am, where I slept for about 30 minutes before Buttercup commenced the all-night feed-a-thon. That’s okay, it was Saturday so I got to “sleep in” until 10 am. And by “sleep in” I mean go back to bed in between baby feedings. Which isn’t real sleep, it’s more like laying there waiting for the next fit of small baby rage to get me out of bed again.

Then Saturday afternoon we went to opening day for SF Beer Week. What better way to cure a night of lousy sleep than day drinking?

The forecast was for no rain, but rain found us anyway. I’m glad I thought to stash a couple of umbrellas in the stroller just in case.

IMG_7724

 

I had some delicious IPAs. I’ve decided that I’m a true Californian now because I finally like IPAs (Indian Pale Ale for you non-beer drinkers out there). I was always put off by the bitter hoppiness, but the taste has grown on me.

IMG_7726

 

I also had the world’s worst BLT. I’m sorry to call it that. The toppings were okay, but the ginormous stale roll just killed it for me. I ended up eating the toppings and tossing the bread.

IMG_7727

 

I don’t know what happened, but Sunday night I absolutely could not sleep and finally passed out I think around 3:30 am. So that’s two late nights in a row. By Sunday I was pretty wrecked.

Sunday afternoon, after I desperately tried to sleep in but gave up around 9:30, we looked at a few more open houses (still house hunting; I’ll be impressed if we find something in under 12 months of looking) and I tried my best to nap. Then Hulk made ribs and we watched the new season of  “Archer.” So this weekend was all about bad decisions, good beer, and “You think you can do these things but you just can’t, Nemo” type activities.

When is day drinking ever a good idea? I think the answer is “always” before you start, and “never” when you want to go to bed at 5 pm.

Make it a great day!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Back-to-Bed Kind of Day

It’s raining!

IMG_7721

So glad I didn’t bike into work today.

This kind of weather always makes me want to crawl back in bed. But I had to rely on the next best thing.

IMG_7722

A hot cup of coffee with a side of biscotti is almost a substitute for bed. Almost.

Buttercup was all smiles the other morning.

IMG_7716

We have finally settled on a satisfactory nickname for Mercedes! Squish’s real name is Jared, but when she met him my sister pulled out the line from Finding Nemo, “I will call him Squishy. And he will be mine. And he will be my Squishy,” and it stuck. Because, you know, he’s squishy. But we hadn’t settled on a good nickname for Mercedes yet. I have been calling her “Cream Puff,” because she’s so fat yet fluffy, but didn’t think that would stick long term. Then the other night Hulk was holding her while we were eating dinner, and he dribbled some melted butter on her head. We didn’t notice at first, then later on while I was holding her I noticed that she absolutely reeked of butter. We started joking that she’s turning into butter, then a very appropriate nickname formed … Buttercup! So she is now known as Buttercup, except for when I call her Cream Puff. So, I apparently make fat babies.

IMG_7670

“Why have you not yet commenced the feeding?”

Make it a great day.

Posted in Day in the Life | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Workout Updates, Complete With Baby Pictures!

So, since my last post was kind of a downer, I’ll do my best to keep this one a bit more uppetty. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always cute baby pics!

IMG_7638

I keep meaning to get all caught up where I’m at these days with the eating and the exercising and the putting words together into sentences, but it’s been too long and I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll just talk about a bunch of random, sort of related things.

A couple weeks ago I went to a squat clinic at SF Iron, sponsored by the Women Who Lift Weights meetup group. You may have heard me talk about the Spitfire Athlete app. The girls who developed it run the meetup group, and I had the opportunity to go and brush up on my squat technique. It was super fun and I learned quite a bit about how magical the squat is, and what I’ve been doing wrong with my squats. I did powerlifting for a semester back in college, and it turns out I have been doing it “wrong” all of these years by not going down far enough. Huh. Anyway, it was a great group, and they’re doing another clinic on the bench press this Saturday I’m looking forward to. If you’re in the SF area and interested, the details are on this meetup page. There are more events to come, including a strength clinic for runners.

In other not-baby news, my apartment gym is getting renovated soon, so they are offering residence free passes to the Equinox gym at the Four Seasons. I know, fancy, right? I’ve never been to that gym before, but I’ve heard lots of good things about Equinox and maybe they’ll have a real squat rack! And classes! The only downside is that instead of just going downstairs to work out, I have to go down the block and across the street, which might as well be ten miles for what it takes for me to actually get away from the kids and get to the gym these days. I get maybe a half hour to work out, and now I need to budget in transit time to my workout. Maybe I should just run to the gym and get there faster, warm-up included?

Random baby pic, because I don’t have any real pictures to go with this post.

IMG_7671

Unimpressed, I know.

Make it a great day!

Posted in Day in the Life | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Postpartum Thoughts: The Musical

Okay, this isn’t really a musical. But I find that musicals tend to take unsavory topics and make them more palatable for the masses, such as the French Revolution (Les Miseralles) or orphans (Oliver!)

Two months ago, I feel like I just returned from this life-changing journey, and life isn’t the same, but no one else gets it but me. And I’m told to just keep on with business as usual, but everything is so much harder and just not the same. I have no idea where my time goes, but there’s never enough of it. Sadie is a wonderful sleeper and I’m getting a good 7-8 hours a night, but I’m exhausted all the time anyway. My place is always a mess, the project at work I was a part of since I started with my company is going live and I’m missing it since I can’t travel to Pittsburgh, and it feels like everyone in my family keeps reminding me that I’m not giving them enough attention. Oh, and the scale is still hanging around the same weight as I left the hospital at, but I can barely make it to the gym more than once a week and I have one pair of pants that fit me that aren’t sweat pants. And they’re the pair I bought when I got home and realized I couldn’t fit into any of the pants I already own, and they’re two sizes bigger than what I wore before.

While being overwhelmed by all this, I feel constantly judged by everyone. Since I am the only one out of all my friends to have had a kid, let alone two, I feel like the odd man out most of the time. No one I talk to can really relate to me. I can never make it on time to appointments since I have to wrangle two kids on my way out the door. I mean, how hard is it to get ready to go just a few minutes early to ensure I can keep my commitments? Seriously! And all I seem to talk about is poop and spit up and stupid stories about kids doing mundane stuff for the first time. “He put his shirt on all by himself! Big woop!” “She smiled at me. Then she grunted and filled her diaper.” Real people don’t care about that crap. So when I hang out with friends, I can never find anything to really talk about and usually end up excusing myself to “go check on the baby,” but really to get out of the awkward small talk that’s going nowhere.

And then if I do get a rare opportunity to talk to another mom, suddenly I get this overwhelming competitive urge to “out-mom” her. It’s like I need to take out some reassurance that I’m normal and doing a good job, so I need to make sure that whatever subject or story she shares with me, I’ve got one about how I’ve experienced or done it different or better. And I know EVERYTHING, and I’ve always been there already. It totally takes all the fun out of the conversation, but I can’t help it. It’s horrible.

Overwhelmingly, the worst is the shame. The shame that I’m not enough, I’m not doing enough, I’m not figuring it all out quickly enough, I’m not giving enough, but I’m not taking enough either. Making sure I take care of everything, but make sure you take care of yourself, too! What the hell does that even mean? Okay, so I take some time for “me.” Now I come back and everything is in even more shambles because I was “out” for half an hour, usually doing something really soul-replenishing like making a Target run alone. It’s like fearing to take vacation because you’ll just come back to twice as much work as before. And when you’re already drowning in work, that just doesn’t seem worth it. My family and friends love me dearly and try so hard to help out. They pitch in on chores, take one or both of the kids for a couple hours, remind me to go to bed or go to the gym when I start spinning in circles with being overwhelmed. I have so much support and help, but at the end of the day when everyone else has retreated back to their normal lives, I’m back to watching the clock run out on mine, still wondering what just happened, feeling like everything is one step forward, two steps back.

So I tell myself that this is all normal, that I need to give myself time and patience. Then I feel the panic of all this time, my life slipping away while I sit here and do nothing. I put together lists and goals and to-dos. Then all I feel like doing is holding Sadie in the rocking chair, cuddling her and enjoying all of her baby cuteness, because I know that all too soon she’ll be as old as Squish is now, and I’ll be wondering where did my baby go. Because this really is all temporary, and tomorrow is something different. We’ll lose but we’ll gain, too.

Screw all the haters, including the ones in my own head, who don’t like the fact that I’m just sitting here in my rocking chair holding a sleeping baby in my baggy mom jeans with dirty dishes surrounding me and my work inbox piling up while watching my three year old going on about four hours watching Netflix on the iPad because it’s easier than actually parenting him. This is all I need to be right now. There will come a time where I can train for half marathons again, where I can focus on eating healthy and kicking ass at work. But I know that would be a life void of baby smiles and coos, with no more Squish asking for another bedtime story or for me to hold his hand when we go outside. I’ll be able to go out for drinks with friends on a Saturday night when I don’t have a small little girl at home waiting for me to rock her to sleep, or a little boy who wants me to play with the yellow train because he likes the red train best. Hell, laundry will get done when there are no more clean underpants in the house, the way it should be, the way the good lord intended I suspect. The haters can hate. I’m going to see the awesomeness in the life I have now.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

About Coffee

One thing I am foolishly taking advantage of postpartum is coffee. All the coffee.

2015/01/img_7581.jpg

So much coffee.

2015/01/img_7570.jpg
(The new Keurig machine at work!)

Especially since I’m averaging about five hours of sleep with going back to work.

2015/01/img_7589.jpg

I tried to keep my caffeination under two cups a day while pregnant. Now the floodgates have opened, and I am probably averaging around four. Two in the morning at home while getting ready for work, one at work, and one in the afternoon or even evening when I get home to make it to bedtime. I have no problem falling asleep like a rock despite knowing I’ll be up in a couple of hours for the little miss’s midnight munchies anyway. We are operating on a “survival” mentality over optimal these days.

One of my most favorite places for coffee is Flying Goat Coffee, or as we affectionately call it, “the Goat.” I consider it also a verb, as in “to Goat it.” I shall ask, “Would you like to Goat it today?” If I wanted to invite you to join me in a delectable cup of coffee. Anyway, I was able to visit the Goat in Healdsburg this week since I was up there for a dentist appointment. I used to work in this quaint wine country town a few years ago, and it is always nice to step back into the nostalgia of a past life.

2015/01/img_7579.jpg

The Goat now offers a single-cup pour over, which to me is always superior to the standard drip

2015/01/img_7582-1.jpg

Hulk and I were taking pictures of the pour over station like a couple of idiots, but the barista was nonplussed about it.

And now a squishy baby picture.

2015/01/img_7586-0.jpg

I’m still trying to capture her “can’t even” face. She has the most naturally panicked-about-life look I’ve ever seen on a baby. Maybe it’s the coffee?

Happy Friday to you. Make it a great day!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment