Bad Decisions, a.k.a. Weekend Fun Stuff

This weekend I was silly enough to think I could go out and have fun without repercussions. And by repercussions, I mean finding out that replacing sleep with doing fun things doesn’t mean getting less sleep makes it more fun. It just means I have fun, then I’m tired and miserable for the next 48 hours. I’m a peach to hang around these days, I tell you what.

Friday night my friend scored us tickets to see a comedy show as part of SF Sketchfest. Janeane Garofalo was one of the featured comedians, so I was pumped to see a real, live movie celebrity on stage making jokes. The show was fantastic, and I tried to not be dismayed by the fact that it didn’t start until 10:30 pm. We didn’t get home until 2am, where I slept for about 30 minutes before Buttercup commenced the all-night feed-a-thon. That’s okay, it was Saturday so I got to “sleep in” until 10 am. And by “sleep in” I mean go back to bed in between baby feedings. Which isn’t real sleep, it’s more like laying there waiting for the next fit of small baby rage to get me out of bed again.

Then Saturday afternoon we went to opening day for SF Beer Week. What better way to cure a night of lousy sleep than day drinking?

The forecast was for no rain, but rain found us anyway. I’m glad I thought to stash a couple of umbrellas in the stroller just in case.

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I had some delicious IPAs. I’ve decided that I’m a true Californian now because I finally like IPAs (Indian Pale Ale for you non-beer drinkers out there). I was always put off by the bitter hoppiness, but the taste has grown on me.

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I also had the world’s worst BLT. I’m sorry to call it that. The toppings were okay, but the ginormous stale roll just killed it for me. I ended up eating the toppings and tossing the bread.

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I don’t know what happened, but Sunday night I absolutely could not sleep and finally passed out I think around 3:30 am. So that’s two late nights in a row. By Sunday I was pretty wrecked.

Sunday afternoon, after I desperately tried to sleep in but gave up around 9:30, we looked at a few more open houses (still house hunting; I’ll be impressed if we find something in under 12 months of looking) and I tried my best to nap. Then Hulk made ribs and we watched the new season of  “Archer.” So this weekend was all about bad decisions, good beer, and “You think you can do these things but you just can’t, Nemo” type activities.

When is day drinking ever a good idea? I think the answer is “always” before you start, and “never” when you want to go to bed at 5 pm.

Make it a great day!

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Back-to-Bed Kind of Day

It’s raining!

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So glad I didn’t bike into work today.

This kind of weather always makes me want to crawl back in bed. But I had to rely on the next best thing.

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A hot cup of coffee with a side of biscotti is almost a substitute for bed. Almost.

Buttercup was all smiles the other morning.

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We have finally settled on a satisfactory nickname for Mercedes! Squish’s real name is Jared, but when she met him my sister pulled out the line from Finding Nemo, “I will call him Squishy. And he will be mine. And he will be my Squishy,” and it stuck. Because, you know, he’s squishy. But we hadn’t settled on a good nickname for Mercedes yet. I have been calling her “Cream Puff,” because she’s so fat yet fluffy, but didn’t think that would stick long term. Then the other night Hulk was holding her while we were eating dinner, and he dribbled some melted butter on her head. We didn’t notice at first, then later on while I was holding her I noticed that she absolutely reeked of butter. We started joking that she’s turning into butter, then a very appropriate nickname formed … Buttercup! So she is now known as Buttercup, except for when I call her Cream Puff. So, I apparently make fat babies.

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“Why have you not yet commenced the feeding?”

Make it a great day.

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Workout Updates, Complete With Baby Pictures!

So, since my last post was kind of a downer, I’ll do my best to keep this one a bit more uppetty. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always cute baby pics!

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I keep meaning to get all caught up where I’m at these days with the eating and the exercising and the putting words together into sentences, but it’s been too long and I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll just talk about a bunch of random, sort of related things.

A couple weeks ago I went to a squat clinic at SF Iron, sponsored by the Women Who Lift Weights meetup group. You may have heard me talk about the Spitfire Athlete app. The girls who developed it run the meetup group, and I had the opportunity to go and brush up on my squat technique. It was super fun and I learned quite a bit about how magical the squat is, and what I’ve been doing wrong with my squats. I did powerlifting for a semester back in college, and it turns out I have been doing it “wrong” all of these years by not going down far enough. Huh. Anyway, it was a great group, and they’re doing another clinic on the bench press this Saturday I’m looking forward to. If you’re in the SF area and interested, the details are on this meetup page. There are more events to come, including a strength clinic for runners.

In other not-baby news, my apartment gym is getting renovated soon, so they are offering residence free passes to the Equinox gym at the Four Seasons. I know, fancy, right? I’ve never been to that gym before, but I’ve heard lots of good things about Equinox and maybe they’ll have a real squat rack! And classes! The only downside is that instead of just going downstairs to work out, I have to go down the block and across the street, which might as well be ten miles for what it takes for me to actually get away from the kids and get to the gym these days. I get maybe a half hour to work out, and now I need to budget in transit time to my workout. Maybe I should just run to the gym and get there faster, warm-up included?

Random baby pic, because I don’t have any real pictures to go with this post.

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Unimpressed, I know.

Make it a great day!

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Postpartum Thoughts: The Musical

Okay, this isn’t really a musical. But I find that musicals tend to take unsavory topics and make them more palatable for the masses, such as the French Revolution (Les Miseralles) or orphans (Oliver!)

Two months ago, I feel like I just returned from this life-changing journey, and life isn’t the same, but no one else gets it but me. And I’m told to just keep on with business as usual, but everything is so much harder and just not the same. I have no idea where my time goes, but there’s never enough of it. Sadie is a wonderful sleeper and I’m getting a good 7-8 hours a night, but I’m exhausted all the time anyway. My place is always a mess, the project at work I was a part of since I started with my company is going live and I’m missing it since I can’t travel to Pittsburgh, and it feels like everyone in my family keeps reminding me that I’m not giving them enough attention. Oh, and the scale is still hanging around the same weight as I left the hospital at, but I can barely make it to the gym more than once a week and I have one pair of pants that fit me that aren’t sweat pants. And they’re the pair I bought when I got home and realized I couldn’t fit into any of the pants I already own, and they’re two sizes bigger than what I wore before.

While being overwhelmed by all this, I feel constantly judged by everyone. Since I am the only one out of all my friends to have had a kid, let alone two, I feel like the odd man out most of the time. No one I talk to can really relate to me. I can never make it on time to appointments since I have to wrangle two kids on my way out the door. I mean, how hard is it to get ready to go just a few minutes early to ensure I can keep my commitments? Seriously! And all I seem to talk about is poop and spit up and stupid stories about kids doing mundane stuff for the first time. “He put his shirt on all by himself! Big woop!” “She smiled at me. Then she grunted and filled her diaper.” Real people don’t care about that crap. So when I hang out with friends, I can never find anything to really talk about and usually end up excusing myself to “go check on the baby,” but really to get out of the awkward small talk that’s going nowhere.

And then if I do get a rare opportunity to talk to another mom, suddenly I get this overwhelming competitive urge to “out-mom” her. It’s like I need to take out some reassurance that I’m normal and doing a good job, so I need to make sure that whatever subject or story she shares with me, I’ve got one about how I’ve experienced or done it different or better. And I know EVERYTHING, and I’ve always been there already. It totally takes all the fun out of the conversation, but I can’t help it. It’s horrible.

Overwhelmingly, the worst is the shame. The shame that I’m not enough, I’m not doing enough, I’m not figuring it all out quickly enough, I’m not giving enough, but I’m not taking enough either. Making sure I take care of everything, but make sure you take care of yourself, too! What the hell does that even mean? Okay, so I take some time for “me.” Now I come back and everything is in even more shambles because I was “out” for half an hour, usually doing something really soul-replenishing like making a Target run alone. It’s like fearing to take vacation because you’ll just come back to twice as much work as before. And when you’re already drowning in work, that just doesn’t seem worth it. My family and friends love me dearly and try so hard to help out. They pitch in on chores, take one or both of the kids for a couple hours, remind me to go to bed or go to the gym when I start spinning in circles with being overwhelmed. I have so much support and help, but at the end of the day when everyone else has retreated back to their normal lives, I’m back to watching the clock run out on mine, still wondering what just happened, feeling like everything is one step forward, two steps back.

So I tell myself that this is all normal, that I need to give myself time and patience. Then I feel the panic of all this time, my life slipping away while I sit here and do nothing. I put together lists and goals and to-dos. Then all I feel like doing is holding Sadie in the rocking chair, cuddling her and enjoying all of her baby cuteness, because I know that all too soon she’ll be as old as Squish is now, and I’ll be wondering where did my baby go. Because this really is all temporary, and tomorrow is something different. We’ll lose but we’ll gain, too.

Screw all the haters, including the ones in my own head, who don’t like the fact that I’m just sitting here in my rocking chair holding a sleeping baby in my baggy mom jeans with dirty dishes surrounding me and my work inbox piling up while watching my three year old going on about four hours watching Netflix on the iPad because it’s easier than actually parenting him. This is all I need to be right now. There will come a time where I can train for half marathons again, where I can focus on eating healthy and kicking ass at work. But I know that would be a life void of baby smiles and coos, with no more Squish asking for another bedtime story or for me to hold his hand when we go outside. I’ll be able to go out for drinks with friends on a Saturday night when I don’t have a small little girl at home waiting for me to rock her to sleep, or a little boy who wants me to play with the yellow train because he likes the red train best. Hell, laundry will get done when there are no more clean underpants in the house, the way it should be, the way the good lord intended I suspect. The haters can hate. I’m going to see the awesomeness in the life I have now.

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About Coffee

One thing I am foolishly taking advantage of postpartum is coffee. All the coffee.

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So much coffee.

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(The new Keurig machine at work!)

Especially since I’m averaging about five hours of sleep with going back to work.

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I tried to keep my caffeination under two cups a day while pregnant. Now the floodgates have opened, and I am probably averaging around four. Two in the morning at home while getting ready for work, one at work, and one in the afternoon or even evening when I get home to make it to bedtime. I have no problem falling asleep like a rock despite knowing I’ll be up in a couple of hours for the little miss’s midnight munchies anyway. We are operating on a “survival” mentality over optimal these days.

One of my most favorite places for coffee is Flying Goat Coffee, or as we affectionately call it, “the Goat.” I consider it also a verb, as in “to Goat it.” I shall ask, “Would you like to Goat it today?” If I wanted to invite you to join me in a delectable cup of coffee. Anyway, I was able to visit the Goat in Healdsburg this week since I was up there for a dentist appointment. I used to work in this quaint wine country town a few years ago, and it is always nice to step back into the nostalgia of a past life.

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The Goat now offers a single-cup pour over, which to me is always superior to the standard drip

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Hulk and I were taking pictures of the pour over station like a couple of idiots, but the barista was nonplussed about it.

And now a squishy baby picture.

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I’m still trying to capture her “can’t even” face. She has the most naturally panicked-about-life look I’ve ever seen on a baby. Maybe it’s the coffee?

Happy Friday to you. Make it a great day!

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Cars and Coffee, Trains and Trollys

Hello, and happy new year! I hope your new year has been going as magical as anticipated so far. For New Year’s Eve we hosted our usual rooftop party. Now with two kids, it’s a million times easier to host our own party rather than fuss with babysitters and stuff. And you can’t really beat our view.

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The other weekend I took the kids on a mommy-and-me-and-me-too date. I found out there was a car show nearby, and thought Squish would have a good time looking at the cars and trying to find “the red one.”

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It was a good crash course in me wrangling both kids by myself. We took the Muni Metro (the SF subway/light rail) to the Embarcadero, since the pier that was hosting the event was a bit far for little legs to hike to. Always fun to bring an infant and an overexcited preschooler on public transit, let me tell you. But Squish was pumped that I threw in a “train ride” to our outing, so it was all good.

Since I like pretending that I can easily cart two kids around the city, we also recently hit up two train museums in the city, the San Francisco Railway Museum and the Randall House which hosts the San Francisco model train organization. Despite getting about 1,000,000 wooden train track sets for Christmas and his birthday, Squish was all over the wooden model train set at the Randall House.

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He also thought the life-size model trolly car at the Railway Museum was cool too. Fortunately he didn’t ask why we don’t have one of those at home.

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This is the pose I get when I ask him for a picture. Fabulousness is not lost in this family.

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But some beg to differ.

I’m slowly digging myself out of the depths of postpartum. My “baby blues” seemed to take a turn toward more than just feeling a little weepy, so at my six week checkup my doctor indicated that I may have postpartum depression. I’m not really sure what that means or how much I want to talk about it yet, but now I totally get that episode of “Scrubs” where Carla went all MIA after her baby was born and was found at the mall with a Gap employment application. Only in my world, it would be Starbucks. Anyway, I thought that some pictures of cute kids having fun would be a good palate cleanser before I start going into all the post-baby stuff. It kind of goes hand in hand.

Until next time, make it a great day.

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Happy Birthday, Squish!

My little man turned three years old last weekend.

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We had a bunch of family in town for the holidays, and Squish shares a birthday with his grandpa. So we had a joint birthday family party with the usual accouterments.

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It’s hard to believe my baby boy is already a “big kid.” At least, compared to his sister.

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(Word to the wise: don’t pass out at our place. We practice baby-shaming, and you will wake up with an infant in your arms.)

Happiest of birthdays to my main Squishy-man!

Posted in Family, Holday! Celebrate! | 4 Comments

Happy Jingle Elf Holiday Randoms

Anyone else super obsessed with the holiday teas from Celestial Seasoning?

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I think my favorite is the Cranberry Vanilla Wonderland. Festive and sweet, but not too sweet.

Also, I really want to get Hulk this coffee mug for Christmas. I found it on Pinterest that took me to a broken Amazon link, so I’m not sure where to get it.

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Hoping for an Amazon Christmas miracle over here.

I just bought a Baby K’Tan for wearing around the house. Actually, I got two: both a Small and a Medium size since I have no idea what my size really is these days. All I know is that my pre-pregnancy “fat” jeans will not button. So right now the Medium fits, but I’m not sure if I will shrink out of it or not. Do I keep the small just in case? Oh, these first world decisions are killing me.

At least we still have the car seat attachment for the BOB stroller.

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I’m able to take my infant pack mule around for all of my merry jingle elf errands. One more shopping week until Christmas, and I’m starting to remember all of the little things I need to get, like stocking stuffers. There is a lot more to remember for Christmas now that I have kids than before, where I just needed to show up at a predetermined family Christmas dinner in an ugly sweater bearing a white elephant gift.

Anyone doing a white elephant exchange? Those are the best.

Make it a great day!

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Local Road Trip (a.k.a. We Left the House!)

Over the weekend we decided to go on a mini road trip.

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That’s right, we got out of the house! Everyone was feeling a bit stir-crazy, so we decided to visit my bro-in-law up in Santa Rosa. On the way we stopped at Cavallo Point lodge for brunch. I had an open-faced pastrami, which everyone agreed that was so good I won at “brunch.”

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The restaurant faced some beautiful views of the Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco.

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Then we headed up to Sonoma County to pay a baby-fueled visit to my bro- and sis-in-law. He just got a new car, so the boys took turns seeing how much they could burn rubber and fishtail it while the girls drank tea and gossiped. I wanted to take the car for a spin, but it’s a manual transmission and since it’s been a couple years since I’ve driven a stick, coupled with the fact that it was nighttime and rainy, I decided to take rain check in trying out the new motorized baby.

Whatever, we had steak for dinner, so, winning.

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Amazing steak. I had a piece each of the ribeye and the filet.

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And everyone slept on the drive home except for Hulk because he had to drive. The end.

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Rainy Day Stuff

The other day I broke out a holiday classic for lunch.

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Yes, that would be a Marie Calendar’s frozen turkey dinner.

It really wasn’t that bad. Buddah butter approved!

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Yesterday I finally made it out of the house on a walk. We’ve had quite the storm over here, but when it had regressed to a light rain I saddled up the kid, grabbed my rain boots, and enjoyed some city-style puddle stomping.

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Babywearing + Starbucks. Like a boss.
It was still pretty gray and dreary out.

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When I got home, it totally felt like grilled cheese and tomato soup was the way to go for lunch. Perfect rainy day food.

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Plus a snack. I haven’t had a Larabar in so long, and coconut cream pie is one of my favorites.

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What’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day?

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