The One With Culinary Miracles

I’m blogging from my phone again because if I’m on my computer Squishy wants to be on my computer too and I’m tired of resetting all of my personalizations after he plays “Being a Big Human” on my laptop. So please pay no mind to typos and rambling, disjointed sentences since it’s, like, 937 times more difficult to proofread on an iPhone.

On the plus side, I have access to all of my pictures!

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I had a weekend of culinary miracles. I don’t know how it happened. The kitchen gods apparently had mercy on me and my experiments and everything became edible for a change.

Culinary Miracle #1 – fried chicken

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I have never, ever fried anything successfully. Ever. I’ve attempted frying, but it always ended up burnt, raw in the center, or the breading would drop off with the slightest flick or poke with the tongs. I don’t know if it was the custom breadcrumb blend I used (I had three random canisters of breadcrumbs and I had purchased none of them – Italian blend, Panko, and “regular”), the fact that I paid attention to the cooking process and didn’t get distracted by shiny things, or because I used coconut oil. I dunno. All I know is that this is all we ate for dinner Thursday night. No sides, no plates, nothing. We just stood around the pile of fried chicken like ravenous wolves devouring a deer carcass, hand-mouth-hand-mouth, grr. Squish just stood on the chair so he could reach the plate, too. I feel it’s very important to instill appropriate table manners on children as early as possible.

Culinary miracle #2: mayo!
I don’t think I’ve had a batch of mayo turn out well in maybe a year. And they’ve never been as fluffy and pudding-like as this one. Same recipe, same tools, same exhausting technique of the “slow drizzle”. No idea how it happened. All I know is that there is going to be a lot of tuna salad consumed this week. Nommmmm.

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Random stuff related to culinary miracle #3:
Hulk and I hit the gym together again this morning. After a depressing round of legs (nothing ever feels good at 6 am), I came home to find Hulk made some eggs for me. What a sweetie! However, the eggs didn’t fill me up as expected, so I decided to experiment making hole-in-the-head.

Culinary Miracle #3:
I first saw hole-in-the-heads on “V for Vendetta” (yes, all I remember from that movie is the breakfast scene). I know you can make a “paleo” version using eggplant or something, but I had just bought some bread (pale-nooo!) and decided to rock it traditional. You cut a hole in a piece of bread (I used a shot glass. Nothing like using a shot glass at 6 am on a Monday), throw it in a fry pan with copious amounts of butter, and crack an egg in the middle. Then you flip it when the egg sets, and cook to your desired egginess. They were delectable, and Squishy and I enjoyed our breakfast treat with some cantaloupe.

So that’s how I survived in the kitchen this weekend.