Confessions: What Really Happened Last Night

You know how I said I wasn’t hungry when I got home from work yesterday, so I didn’t have dinner right away? Well, that was true and fine, but I didn’t get into what happened after I came home, and the effects of my decisions. Hang on, this is a long one. Feel free to grab some coffee before we start.

I was still full from my lunch and afternoon latte to really want food. And since I was planning a big weekend, I wanted to run to Whole Foods and Target for some supplies. So I grabbed Squish and my shopping list and headed out.

You will see that the first bad decision was taking a hungry toddler grocery shopping with no snacks or dinner planned. Stupid. My other bad decision was for ME to go grocery shopping with no snacks or dinner planned.

Halfway through Whole Foods we were in meltdown mode, so I hastily grabbed a Larabar off the shelf and fed it to him in the store. I’m sure every parent in history has done this, but it was the first time I had ever eaten (or fed someone) something before I paid for it. It was a really weird experience for me.

At the time Squish was calming down, I noticed I started getting sort of dizzy and weak, a sure sign my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat. Into the cart came the snacks I probably wouldn’t have purchased if I was full and satisfied. In the bakery they had these what I would call “kitchen sink” bars. I thought they would be your typical oatmeal-nuts-coconut-chocolate chip sort of treat and in my fuzzy hunger state figured that would be a sort of okay option in the short term. OMG, it was soooooo sweet. I don’t think Squish even liked it, he took a couple pieces and sort of set them aside. But I just snarfed it before I even realized what was happening. Ooh, my teeth hurt just remembering it.

Then we got home and after dealing with a cranky, hungry toddler through two stores during the evening rush, I was spent. “Dinner” consisted of me throwing some baby carrots and tortilla chips (more evidence of don’t-shop-while-hungry) at Squish while  I put our purchases away. I was flustered while trying to bake the chocolate pumpkin loaf because he was “helping” me the entire time and I was less than humored about it. Bedtime was swift and unpleasant.

Then I turned on Netflix. And had a glass of wine. And another. Then I finally felt hungry, but it was more the wine talking. Too lazy to make real food, I snacked on chips and salsa, then made an easy quesadilla – two flour tortillas with cheese melted in the microwave. Then I had another. Then I had the last tortilla wrapped around cheese. I ate five tortillas and who knows how much cheese for “dinner”. I was just bingeing because I was tipsy, tired, and alone watching TV.

I didn’t realize how much sugar I had yesterday until I started reviewing my food while blogging this morning. I didn’t mention the half pumpkin cream cheese muffin I found in the break room yesterday morning (The frosting was nasty – I know, right? – so I only at the muffin part. But still.), or that my pumpkin spice latte wasn’t customized at all – the full milk, sugar, and whipped cream shebang. Then there was the kitchen sink bar, the wine, the chips and tortillas … I thought I was doing well until the evening, but really the whole day my choices just sort of snuck up on me.

I always walk away thinking I’m doing better than I really am. That’s always what gets me, and why I don’t wear smaller clothes. I write this to illustrate that little things will sneak up on you, that at the end of the day all of those little bites or cheats or treats can and will add up, which is why we should use discretion when selecting when and for what we’ll bend the rules. I should have either skipped the break room muffin, the afternoon latte, or both. I should have made a solid dinner at home before subjecting myself and Squish to stressful evening shopping. When I was beat, I should have splurged on a me-time bath or doing my nails or reading my new Running magazine instead of parking in front of the TV with a half bottle of wine.

I think I mentioned the other day how since I started training for my marathon, I’ve been really diligent about getting all of my workouts in. I’ve also really taken a hard look at how I fuel myself and trying to make changes for the better. Two weeks of doing pretty awesome, and last night I just totally retracted to old habits. What I feel bad about is that I didn’t do myself any favors, and I definately didn’t do good for Squish. It was a trying night for both of us, and if I had been responsible when I got home instead of wrapped up in my self-imposed timeline and restrictions, I still would have accomplished everything I set out to do and we both would have been happier, and healthier.

Also, when I think I’m doing good, that’s when I am in danger. I loosen up. I think I can “splurge”. I’ve earned it, I can handle it, even though it’s only been two weeks. But I’m not there yet. I need to be consistent for a good chunk of time, months or so, before I can handle off-roading. This is something Hulk is always alluding to, but I always brush him off. I need to keep this in mind. On this particular leg of my journey to health, I need to be wary of and keep at arms’ length the treats and temptations that derail my efforts.

I’m glad I got this out. It was uncomfortable for me to admit all my “wrong-doings”, but if I am not honest here, I won’t see these patterns in the future. I am so grateful I have this little space to get these things out and start connecting the pieces I need for success. Next time, I will take care of myself better.

Anyway, this was a long and boring post. If you made it to the end, thank you, but what is wrong with you? 🙂 You don’t have to answer that. But you can answer me this: when you’ve had a long or trying day, what are your bad-habit tendancies to fall into, or what good-habit things do you like to indulge in?

Catch-up and a Baking Fail

I’ve been blogging a day behind, and my OCD is starting to get on my nerves about this. Let’s see if I can catch it up.

Thursday morning started off with a 5 mi. interval run.

Pre-game: one egg.

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By the way, I can’t believe I never thought of microwaving eggs sooner. We’ve lived without a microwave for two years before moving here, and I completely forgot it’s an option. Now I’m nuking everything out of novelty and sheer convenience. Plus, they come out of the bowl in a convenient round shape, perfect for fitting on the plate.

Anyway, my intervals were:

  • 1 mile slow (pace ~ 12:00/mi)
  • [1 mile fast, 2 min slow] x 3 (pace ~ 10:30/mi)
  • 1 mile slow (pace ~ 12:00/mi)

Done-zo.

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Duke was happy I was back. “IT’S WALK TIME!!”

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He never sits correctly.

I had a lot of fun with the WIAW post, so I tracked most of my eats again. Breakfast was bacon ‘n ‘eggs with some leftover sweet tater fries from Wednesday night.

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After doing the work thing all morning I came home and threw together a quickie lunch for the Squish and me: sausage and an heirloom tomato caprese salad, minus the basil. I don’t have any fresh basil (sad panda).

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I might stop eating sausage just because there’s no way to make it look good in a photo.

The afternoon I was yawning in my meetings, and decided to use my Starbucks treat reward on a pumpkin spice latte.

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Fall is here, y’all! Sorry about the dirty street, I was going for “gritty urban” but didn’t look closely enough and instead I ended up with “who puked here?”

The PSL didn’t do enough, so I had a couple of these too.

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And a few unpictured squares of dark chocolate. My biggest takeaway from my London 2011 trip was ALWAYS have afternoon tea. 🙂

After all my post-lunch snacking, I really wasn’t feeling hungry for dinner. So Squish and I ran a few errands, and I decided to whip up a treat for when Hulk gets home today. I was feeling bread-snacky, so I tried out Carrots ‘n’ Cake’s Chocolate Pumpkin Bread (maybe with a glass or two of unpictured wine). At first it came out heavenly,

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So I gave myself a sample slice for breakfast this morning with my eggs, sliced heirloom tomato, and olives.

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See? Working on the “pretty” factor.

And coffee.

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But on further inspection of the pumpkin bread, I found it was wayyy undercooked. Baking #fail.

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Oh well, it’s like chocolate pumpkin lava  cake bread. Still delicious.

Duke was disappointed there was no bacon.

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“Seriously, why do I even get out of bed? You’re a terrible human.”

Had an awesome arms/core session in the gym this morning. Due to my back injury and Hulk’s suggestion, I’m holding off on leg/lower body training while I’m running. That’s right, I listened to Hulk. I’ll wait here while you let that sink in. Done? Cool. So, I am doing light stuff with my legs but I’m not trying to push the weights like I was before. However it was my first time in the gym this week, so I felt like touching on a bit of everything:

  • Light warm-up: joint mobility, arm circles, etc.
  • 3 rounds of 10 reps:
    • Shoulder press, 20 lbs
    • Squats, 45 lbs
    • Deadlift, 45 lbs
  • “Regular” sets of 3×10:
    • Bench press, 30 lbs
    • Rows, 30 lbs
    • Lat pulls, 30 lbs
    • Dips, bodyweight
  • Another 3 rounds of 10 reps each:
    • Chest flys, 12.5 lbs
    • Shoulder flys, 12.5 lbs
    • Tricep kickbacks, 12.5 lbs
  • Everybody’s favorite, 1 min plank hold

Time to shower my stinky self, get the Squish going for the day, and go earn my bacon. I’m so, so happy it’s Friday! We have a super-fun weekend planned, I’m so excited! Squeeeee!