Last weekend I had to go out and buy new clothes. I had finally thrown in the towel on wearing my pre-baby size 8 slacks and had come to terms with the possibility that I am perhaps no longer a size 8. This is bringing up a myriad of thoughts and feelings for me. The obvious one is maybe I should eat a little less and exercise more.
But for some reason, that thought makes me angry. Unexpectedly angry. I don’t want to change. I like eating what I eat and moving the amount that I move. I could do better, but I’m so happy with where I’m at right now. And the reason why I would want to disrupt my happy routine and introduce the bitch slap of negative images that diet and exercise bring me is so I don’t have to buy bigger pants, and maybe people won’t make fun of me after they exclaim, “SHE writes a healthy lifestyle blog?!?”
Okay, so I put my little inner rebellion aside. I consider making all of those “small lifestyle changes” the weight loss gurus encourage all of us fat slobs to adopt so we won’t wake up on the couch covered in cheese curl dust with Mountain Dew aftertaste in our mouths as often. I could park further away and take the stairs more. I could prepare more meals at home and go out to eat less. I could replace soda with water. I could eat more veggies and less sugary junk food. But I already park in the farthest row of parking stalls at work and take the stairs every other trip. I eat most of my meals from home already. I don’t drink much if any soda, and I could ALWAYS eat more veggies, but the few treats I have in the afternoons make me happy and less likely to stab people. Basically, there is not much I really want to change to my lifestyle that doesn’t mean cutting out something that already makes me feel happy and balanced.
The part of it that gets me the most is who I am doing this for. I look in the mirror, and I’m happy. Sure, I’m bigger than I was. But I’ve done a lot of incredible things that have had nothing to do with how I look and what size I am. Its not a priority for me right now. But I feel shamed by the media, “fitspo”, and other blogs out there that this is something I SHOULD want and SHOULD do. And that is what makes me feel stabby. I’m not feeling the pressure to change because of me, but to do it for other anonymous people who lets face it, are not really directly involved in my life.
There are different kinds of healthy. Like my tag line says, “be your own healthy.” Right now I’m choosing health of the mind and soul over body, and it feels great. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like healthy living blogs can be more than kale salads and race recaps. We can be about whole health, inside and out. And just because I’m not a size 4 (or size 8 for that matter) doesn’t mean I can’t have a voice in the community. I have tried tons of diets, lifestyles, and exercise programs. You want to know the one that works? The one you’re on right now, especially if you can honestly say you’re happy.
Trust yourself. You don’t have to follow a model or fit into a mold to be happy. Just do you, because that is what is going to change the world.
As always, make it a great day!