I’ve had a bit of “bloggers block” for a while now. I think about blogging frequently throughout the day, then become paralyzed when I actually have time to sit down and write. I’m having a hard time sticking to things, and with my inconsistency I feel silly talking about all of my failed attempts at Whole30, running, and other pet projects I like to announce with little follow up. It’s hard for me to blog when I don’t feel like I have a theme or direction. Sure, I can just blog about life, but it feels too personal to let everyone in to the hot mess that is my daily existence. Although entertaining, I’ll give it that.
Then I had a bit of a freak-out moment the other day at a party when an acquaintance casually mentioned to me, “So I read your blog the other day …” because suddenly I felt so exposed and vulnerable. You READ it? I sort of made up in my head the only people that read this are anonymous internet people, bloggy friends I’ve never met in person, and my mom (hi, Mom!) because otherwise I would never blog. I write this blog because this is the stuff I am not always comfortable talking about with real life humans. But of course it’s public on the internet, I share it on Facebook with people I know in Real Life, so I shouldn’t be surprised when I get Likes and Shares on my Facebook page from relatives and friends or a coworker stumbles across it. But it’s scary. This is who I am in my own head, and it’s hard to let go of the comfortable control I have over it once it’s on the internet. But I know my discomfort is coming from a place I’m trying to work on anyway, that “eww, people” part of me that refuses to be open with others.
So I talked to Hulk about how I felt when people read my blog and how freaked out I am. He calmed me of my worries, and with a laugh mentioned how funny it is that I get so wrapped up thinking about things that nobody cares about. Which made me laugh, because it’s so true. No one cares. Not in a “poor me” sense, but in a “don’t worry about what others think” kind of way. So I write a blog. And people read it. Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? I guess it’s the same panic or fear that artists get when unveiling their work. This is who I am, please don’t hate it.
So I’m not consistent. I don’t have perfectly searchable tags on my posts. I probably talk about the same stuff over and over again with no reference. I’m all over the place with daily life posts, pictures of my lunch, dogs and kids, product reviews, other randomness, and proclamations of fun linkups or themes that I promptly forget about. It’s a hot mess. And so is my life. At least that’s consistent! And it’s fun. So as long as everyone is having a good time, let’s party.
Go make it a great day!